Don't leave me
by smileyface994
Summary: Instead of Addie leaving for L.A,it's Mark who decides he needs a fresh start,after a big fight with Addie.But what happens if they're both still in love with each other?Will Addie finally admit she loves him? Warning: Character Death!
1. Love hurts

Addison pushed Mark against the wall, kissing him with every emotion she held. Mark could feel them too: Anger, passion, longing, desperation and vulnerability.

_It's wrong,_ nagged a little part of his brain.

_It's just sex. And since when did you care about right and wrong anyway?_ Replied the selfish side of him. But he knew it wasn't just sex—it was with Addison for crying out loud. The woman he loved.

_She's vulnerable, stop it._ It took every ounce of willpower and strength in his body to pull away.

"What's wrong," she breathed, her eyes scrutinizing him.

"Nothing. It's just……not right. We can't do this," he answered, averting her gaze.

"What?"she demanded. "You? Can't do this? You're Mark!"

"I can't do it." Addie saw how much it was killing him to say those words and mean it. Now the only person who'd sleep with her wouldn't.

"This might sound weird, coming from me," he continued, looking quite guilty and shy. Then he gazed into her eyes lovingly. "But if sex is all I'll ever have with you, if that's how far we can get…..then I don't want it. I want you. And I want everything with you. Talking, laughing, dinners—the real thing, Addie."

She stared at him, her mouth agape. She was too shocked to even notice tears welling up in her own eyes. He. Wanted. her. "Mark—I um…….."

Mark lowered his head, nodding slightly to indicate that he understood. Understood that she probably didn't feel the same way.

Addison shook her head slowly. "No—you don't understand…..I mean you said you slept with someone!"

"I lied," he told her quietly. "I lied. I saw you with Karev that day, Addison. I haven't slept with anyone at all."

She bit her lip and furrowed her brow. So he let her go. He didn't know that he wasn't the only one nursing a broken heart—she was too. Karev was just a huge mistake, that was all. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I just wanted a chance to prove how much I wanted and cared for you."

Her features softened at the sweetness and sincerity of his words. "But then why'd you lie?"

He locked eyes with her, offering her a weak and faint smile. "Because I love you."

But this had the opposite effect on her that he had expected. "Then you should've fought for me, Mark," she said in a harsher and bitter tone. "If you truly did, you should've fought for me."

"Why should I when you didn't even stick out for 60 days?" he retorted. He didn't mean his words at all.

She ignored that. "I wanted you to fight for me!"

"You don't even want me, Addison. So why should I anymore? I'm always chasing you and you constantly reject me and push me out!"

They kept quiet for seemingly endless moments before Addison finally said," You're right, Mark. This isn't right. And it will never be. We're just not meant to be."

Her words pierced at his heart but he didn't want to let her see how much she hurt him. "You're right. I should go then." He made the motion of collecting his stuff, not even looking at her hurt and desperate expression.

"Fine." She went in the bathroom, as if she didn't care at all when she truly did. She shut the door, let her tears fall until she heard a door bang. Mark had left.

**Okay, so tell me what you think should happen next. I already have an idea but suggestions—AND REVIEWS!!!—help out a lot. I'm begging you good Maddison fans to please review and tell me what you think. I don't car if you have to tell me it sucks. Just review. Bye!**


	2. Goodbye for now

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's or any character here. I just want to use them. Hehe.**

**A/N: Thank you so much for my reviewers. Thank them for this chapter. Anyway, this is the sad good-bye part of my story. Please enjoy.**

_Passengers of flight 46 to Los Angeles please proceed to gate 2 for boarding please._

Mark sighed and glanced at his watch anxiously. He didn't want to be late for his meeting with his new surgeon general in L.A. He took a peek at the long line in front of him and clutched his bags tighter.

"Mark!"

He spun around, looking for whoever was shouting his name. He already knew—that was the cause of the smile spreading on his lips.

"Mark!" called out Addie, pushing through the crowd. Mark spotted her and his face brightened, his heart skipping a beat. His beautiful angel.

"Mark," she murmured, flinging her arms around him without thought. She rested her head in his strong chest, letting his familiar and comforting smell soothe her. He looked a bit taken aback but quickly dropped his bags and put his arms around her, burying his face in her soft red hair.

"Chief just told me—after I refused to do surgery if he didn't," she explained, grinning. But her expression quickly turned worried, though. "Why didn't you tell me, Mark?"

He suddenly found looking at his shoes interesting. "I—I didn't want to let you convince me to stay."

She toyed with a strand of his hair, curling it with her fingers. "I was so worried when you didn't show up to work since we……fought." She gazed into his eyes, eyes she would sorely miss.

He looked away from her painful gaze, her blue eyes piecing his heart so."I'm sorry. For making you worried and for the fight. I shouldn't have—"

"Don't be," she said firmly. "It was my fault too, you know."

They stayed in an awkward silence, feeling people staring at them. Addie opened her mouth to break the ice but no words would come out of her mouth. Then, she suddenly remembered her purpose of coming.

"Mark," she began apprehensively. "That night, when you told me you love me…….is that true?"

He smiled, finally looking into her eyes. He caressed her hair lovingly. "Every moment."

She sighed deeply, mysterious fear filling her eyes. It was her turn to look away. "I need you to do something for me."

"Anything."

She swallowed painfully. "I want you to move on, find someone else."

He withdrew his hand, his face falling. He determinedly looked at anywhere but her. He realized that people behind him at the line moved without him and he didn't care at all. It hurt him that even thought he had already confessed his love for her, she still thought of it as a feeling that he could just whisk away. As if it was nothing to her.

She glanced at him, surveying the damage she caused. "Mark?"

"I'll try." He wondered how to stop loving her and just find another Addie; she was the only one who could ever make him feel that way.

His face tugged her heart and she bit her lip. "I don't want you to be pining for me all your life."

"Is that wrong?" he asked quietly. "To want someone you love to love you back?"

_But it's time to face the truth,  
I will never be with you._

No. She doesn't say it because she wants to spare him from further pain.

_Last call for passengers of flight 46 _ _Los Angeles_

"That's me," he announced bitterly. He glanced at her, chiding himself for not noticing that she'd been crying all along . "Addie, I'm sorry. Please don't cry."

"No—it's not that," she sniffled. "I'm gonna miss you so much, Mark."

His look softened and he used his thumb to gently grazed her tears away. "I'm gonna miss you too. But please don't cry. At least now. You know I hate it when you cry."

"I can't help it, Mark," she responded, frustrated at her tears for flowing so freely. "Who's gonna tease me in the elevator and make me laugh?"

He tilted his head adorably. Addie just wanted to kiss him right then and there. "We'll see each other again. It's not like we won't ever meet each other again, anyway," he comforted her bravely though he was already blinking tears his off and his voice was cracked with emotion. "Besides, you need me and I'll just hop on the next plane to Seattle."

She smiled. "That's us, alright."

He laughed. "Yup. Transcontinental booty calls."

He leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek. Moving back, his lips accidentally touched hers and lingered there for some moments. She let him, blushing a bit because of the electricity running through her at that moment.

_Mr. Mark Sloan: Last call for boarding_

"I'm coming," he muttered angrily. "So…..good-bye for now."

"For now," she echoed. She watches as he picks his bags up and walks away. Away from her.

Then she turns into a sobbing mess, regretting the day she screwed Karev. Just one mistake led her to lose the only one who ever loved her. Truly.

Tears flowed down her cheeks freely, the pain of his leaving harder than she ever imagined it to be. So this must be how he felt, she thought.

"I love you, Mark," she whispered to no one. "I'm so sorry it took this long to realize that."

_How do I breathe,  
Without you here by my side?  
How will I see,  
When your love brought me to the light?  
Where do I go,  
When your heart's where I lay my head?  
When you're not with me,  
How do I breathe?  
How do I breathe?_

**Was this okay? Please tell me what you think ad what you want for the next chapter. Happiness, loneliness, sadness or just a bit o' everything? Please R&R!!!I need at least 5 reviews to update the next chapter--no joke people. So far, I have 3. So just review and make me smile. and love Maddison more.  
**


	3. Call me up

Addison stared at her chart although she really wasn't reading it. Like the past 3 days, her mind wandered to Mark and she couldn't concentrate at all. She wasn't able to sleep well at night because thoughts of Mark and what could've been haunted her. Sometimes she felt guilty but more often than not, she missed him.

"Stop moping already," Callie said, approaching Addie. "You look like a sick puppy."

"I am so not moping," Addie insisted. "Not moping."

"You are," Callie pressed, smiling mischievously. "And you have since he left. You really miss him a lot don't you?"

"Fine, I do," she admitted, letting her pride crumble. "I miss him more than I ever thought possible."

Callie laid a sympathetic hand on her friend's shoulder. "You're almost as bad as Mark was after he saw you with Karev."

"I didn't notice," she said, looking ashamed.

"Well, he stopped flirting instantly. He actually came to me, asking me what he did wrong and what didn't do………I felt so sorry for him," Callie snorted with a small chuckle."You wouldn't have recognized him as Mark Sloan, man whore."

"Former man whore, now," Addie corrected her, a small smile spreading on her lips. "He's changed."

"Whatever. Hey, haven't you called him yet?"she asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

Addie shook her head, feeling guilt-ridden again. "I….thought about it. Couldn't do it."

"Why not?"

"I want him to move on. How'd he do that if I call him and tell him life sucks without him?"

"You want him to move on because……….."Callie raised an eyebrow.

Addison closed the chart and looked at Callie. "Because he deserves someone who loves him as much as he loves her. Someone who won't push him away. Someone better."

"So you _don't _love him."

"I do. I think, I do. But it's too late for a second chance now," she clarified sadly, returning to her chart.

**Maddison**

"Hey Mark," she said, twiddling with her fingers nervously and talking as casually as she could. "It's me—Addie. I just wanted to know how you were doing."

"Hi," he replied happily, grabbing a pillow to hug from his enormous and empty bed. "I'm okay here." Sure, if not being to flirt, always anguishing himself with thoughts of her and drinking way too much was fine, then yeah. "How are you?"

"Great," she lied.

_Great. She doesn't even miss me,_ Mark thought bitterly. "How'd the others take that I was gone?"

"Well, Derek muttered something about going there to kick your ass. Alex—I mean Karev—was disappointed to know that the amazing plastics guy was gone," she laughed."Bailey looked a bit disappointed too."

"Tell Derek I'll miss him too," he chuckled.

"Will do. Oh and you should've seen the nurses," Addie added. "They were stubborn and in a bad mood all day. They were like, 'But I thought he liked me!'. You have that impression on women, I guess."

"Did you? What your first impression of me?" He eased himself to lie on his bed and pulled the pillow over him.

"I thought you were arrogant, selfish, hot and easy-going," she admitted, remembering the good ol' days that weren't very good at all.

"Oh," came the disappointed reply.

"But then I got to know the real you and thought of you as a great friend who's always there for you—no matter what," she quickly put in, sensing some negative feelings. "What'd you think of me?"

Mark smiled thoughtfully, the image of a younger Addie popping in his head. "I thought you were smart. Beautiful but stubborn and kind. I almost thought you came from heaven."

"Almost?" she asked almost teasingly.

Mark could almost imagine her with raised eyebrows. "You were wearing glasses," he pointed out. "Cute but I like you better without your old., dorky glasses."

She laughed at the revelation. Then she recalled something. "You know, if we had our baby, he would have been talking by now."

Mark nodded, even though she couldn't see him. "She would've been so pretty." _Like her mom_

"She, huh."

"I like to think she was a girl. She could look like you then."

"Tell me more," she urged, her lips curved in a smile.

"She would be a mini-you. Same hair, same beautiful blue eyes, same attitude," he declared wistfully. "I don't want her to be like me at all. She'd be horrible if she was."

"I don't think so," Addie disagreed firmly. "I want her to have your eyes. And your ability to say the right words at the right time. You're great too—if you don't know that yet."

"Well obviously not enough," he said, obviously pointing out how he wasn't enough for her.

They kept quiet, picturing the perfect little girl. Mark saw himself playing with her and teaching her how to ride a bike. Addie saw her doing homework diligently.

"Do you think thinks would be different had I kept her?" she asked quietly.

Mark thought for awhile; gathering the right words to say. "If it's how things were meant to be, I suppose it wouldn't have made a difference. But people do. People change things with the stuff they do."

She nodded, though he couldn't see anyway. "I'm really sorry, Mark," she blurted out, a tear trickling down her cheek. "For everything."

"I don't blame you, Addison. Don't ever think that."

"Mark, if you ever felt I never loved you, you're wrong. Because I did." She didn't bother to include how she still did. "And I miss you."

"You know how I feel about you, Addison," he replied, smiling faintly and wistfully. "I _am_ trying to move on, but it's just too hard.."

"It's okay. I don't mind if you don't move on now," she admitted, blushing a bit."Mark, it's been nice talking to you—but I have an early surgery tom—"

"Okay. Goodnight," he interjected, slightly hurt. But he knew it wasn't her fault. "Talk to you some other time then."

"Yeah. Definitely." She put the phone down and went to bed dreaming of him.

**I am so sorry if this was long. Normally, I write shorter. But now I don't. I need 6 reviews or 5 for another update. Good luck!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's anatomy or any character. They are Shonda's.**


	4. Still in my heart

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy, Mark, Addison and all the other characters aren't mine. But I'm using them anyway.hehe.**

"_I never loved you, Mark!" spat Addison, slapping Mark's cheek with all the strength she had. _

_Mark, looking pained, put a hand on his red and sore cheek. He looked away from her, finding her glare to be full of anger and pain. He chanced a glance at her blue eyes, finding nothing but icy anger and disgust. It pierced his heart._

"_Did you hear me?" she demanded heatedly. She began to push him away and felt frustrated he didn't push back. He didn't, simply because he couldn't fight back. . _

"_I'm sorry," he croaked while blinking some tears away. He didn't mean to be emotional but he couldn't help it. He had to regain stability in his voice before saying, "I'm sorry for ever thinking you did."_

"_Good." A satisfied and evil smile spread on her lips, making Mark cringe. _

Mark sat up on his bed, panting and thinking about the terrible dream. It was one he wished would never come true. True, he'd been having dreams like that every night for a month now, but each was more horrible than the last. He put a hand on his cheek, just like in his dream and felt some tears. He wiped them away, and decided to go for a run to clear his head.

He chose the path next to the beach and basked in the sun's light. He'd been jogging every morning for the past 2 ½ months, believing that more physical strain means less emotional pain. Back in New York, it was a strategy he used except on a treadmill in the gym.

Wiping beads of sweat from his forehead, he looked to his left and noticed a group of bikini-clad models eyeing him like he was candy. Normally, he'd flirt with them but ever since he got to L.A, he didn't feel like it anymore. He smiled politely at them and looked away. Sure, they may be prettier than Addison, but no one would ever replace her in his heart.

Amazing. Mark Sloan just politely smiled at tan, long-legged models in very small pieces of clothing.

He breathed in the salty ocean air. He thought about how different it was from the cold, moist air of Seattle and had to admit that he _did _miss it. Shaking his head lightly, he tried to make himself forget all about Seattle. Especially Addison. Why? Because all of a sudden, he wished he hadn't moved away—even if she wouldn't be his, at least he could just look at her and remember the short and simple time she was. However short it was, that was the only time he ever felt complete, like everything was in its right place.

All of a sudden, L.A didn't seem as good as he first thought; any place without her would always feel empty. His whole life in his new home stretched before him and he felt lonely and isolated. He missed Derek, Meredith, Bailey and Seattle. But most of all, he missed Addie.

And now, all he could ever think about how was stupid he was, in promising that he'd try to move on. Because nobody could ever just let go of the person they're in love with. Much less, your true love.

_I've tried to make you love me,_

_Because we're so perfect for each other, aren't we?_

_I kissed you with all the love I held,_

_But your lips stayed ice cold._

_You never realized why _

_I did everything just to see you smile._

_I tried to show you how special you are to me._

_But I guess, you didn't feel the same way._

_And maybe, you never will._

_So here I am,_

_Still waiting for your heart to love me back._

**Okay, I know it's shorter but I wanted to make this it. I think the next is gonna be longer. If you want it to be. Not meaning to be a privacy intruder, but can someone tell me how a kiss feels like so I can write it better? With someone you really really love. Thanks for the help! Oh and R&R!!! Right, I need 5 reviews. See? That's not much. Doesn't kill to click that button down there and review either.**


	5. Caught in the act

_Knock. Knock._

Mark Sloan didn't quite know that moment why he was standing before Addison's hotel room's door. All he knew was, his feet had led him there, and his heart said to follow. When he didn't hear anything, he twisted the door knob and, upon finding it unlocked, pushed the door open.

Addie and Alex were kissing furiously, Alex already half-naked. Addie was pushing her lips against his madly. It took her time to realize Mark was there and she pushed Alex away from her, looking guilty. Alex slipped away unnoticed.

"So do you have to sleep with everyone more than once now?" he asked icily. He couldn't look at her at all.

"W—What?" she stammered, turning red. "Did you just call me a whore?"

"You do sleep around a lot," he pointed out coolly.

"You have no right to call me that!" she burst out. She strode to him furiously and slapped him as hard as she could. "Who do you think you are? My boyfriend?"

"No," he responded heatedly. "But a person who you've called everyday for 2 ½ months now, telling him you miss him and regret everything."

"You know," he continued as Addie noticed what seemed to be a glimmer of a painful memory in his eyes. "The worst thing you could do to anyone is let him believe he actually has a chance with you, that you might even love him back. But then one day, you open his eyes, making he realize that he was nothing. Just a toy with whose emotions you played with. It sucks, Addison."

She took a good look at him and couldn't help but smile for a tiny moment. He looked more tan and it looked good on him. All she wanted was for everything to be okay between them so they could just kiss and talk. But then, she remembered to be mad at him.

"What are you doing here anyway?" she demanded as bitchily as she could.

He gazed into her eyes meaningfully. "I came to see if you'd give me another chance at us."

Addie's heart melted once again into sticky puddles of love. He wanted her back; he was gonna fight for her. And she lost him again.She felt guilty for using her mean voice now. "I'm really sorry."

He snorted. "Sorry? Is that all you know to say? You know what? I'm leaving. For good. I've had enough of your shit, Addison. I'm tired."

Ouch. But she didn't let it show. She still had some pride, after all. Addie put her hands to her hips and Mark had to admit, it _did_ look sexy.

"Get out," she hissed, motioning towards the door. Her eyes bore through him like a nail gun.

"Glad too." He took one last glance at her before slamming the door on her face. Then all he could think about was the look on her face when he said that he was tired of her.

**Well, how was it? Please, just review. I don't care if you have something bad to say. You could just say what you want to see next chapter which btw, will take at least 5 reviews only. Not very hard at all. By!**

** Disclaimer: grey's anatomy doesn't belong to me, obviously because mark and addie aren't together.**


	6. What do you want from me?

**A/N: Please, please review! Oh and it's almost Christmas!!Whoopee!!**

Work was typical today for Addie and by 5 p.m, she was tired as hell. Then while sipping her coffee near the nurses' station, she caught a glimpse of Mark out of the corner of her eye. Incredulous she was at first, but she had to admit, she was sorta happy to see him. Especially happy not to see him _flirting._

She carefully eyed him as he seemed to get a chart from an excited, wide-eyed nurse who obviously was crushing on him. Watching him smile at her, Addison felt a pang in her heart. She wasn't jealous—at least she thought she wasn't. She was just missing his smile, especially the one he used only for her.

Cautiously, she made her way to him. She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear sexily.

"Mark, what are you doing here?she asked, her voice sounding angrier than she wanted it to be.

"Chief spotted me at Joe's the other day and invited me to see a patient of his," he replied calmly, as if they weren't fighting. "I obviously said yes."

Addie cleared her throat, not that she had a sore throat or anything. She just wanted Mark to look at her. "How long?"

Mark flipped close the chart he'd been working on, and looked at her."Don't worry—I'll only be here until the day after tomorrow."

Addie winced; it was clear by the tone of his voice that he was saying to her: _Don't worry. I won't be bothering you for long._ Following him into the on-call room, she tried to keep her composure. "Mark," she stated wearily.

He tried to shake her off, but she kept following him. Couldn't she see he didn't need this now?

"Leave me alone, Addison," he grumbled. "You never had a problem with that anyway."

"No."

"What do you want from me?" He asked angrily, turning around to face her abruptly. It startled her to see so much bitterness and anger in his eyes, it caught her off guard. "You _don't_ love me, so why do this?"

"I don't love you," she snapped back, staring coldly back at him.

Mark had to admit, Addie did look good. Her face was glowing and her eyes sparkling. He shook good thoughts of her away as he was still supposed to be mad a her. "Then what do you want from me?"

What did she want? She wanted him, to love Mark openly. And yet, she was afraid of that, hence the pushing. Afraid to be hurt again, to be disappointed, to not be loved back. She wasn't about to let anyone destroy the shield she's just built around after Derek and Mark. No, not now. "Nothing."

"Good," he sighed. "Please leave me alone now, Addie."

_Addie_. He had used her nickname. When Mark was mad, he usually used her full name. But mentioning her nickname had given her hope. Maybe, he still loved her. It was only when she looked up into his eyes did she realize that she was torturing him inside. Mark gazed back at her, pain written across his face. Of course he still loved her, but he couldn't trust her at all.

"I really am sorry," Addie whispered at the doorway.

_I know._ He doesn't say it; but instead nods in acceptance. _Nothing could ever change how I feel about you._

**I'm begging for reviews here? It feels awful to not get reviews for a story you work on.**_  
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